Winning Child Custody Strategies

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Deadbeat Dad Now Wants Custody – Can He Get It??

child custody
Anyway….. asked:

My daughter is 6, and her father has never had anything to do with her by his own choice and recently when the county tried opening a child support case he decided he wanted custody to get out of child support. Now it’s looking like he may get joint custody and if he does, I greatly fear for my babys life. He is irresponsible, lives in a filthy environment, and wasn’t even allowed to be around his sister until she turned 18 because of molestation issues (which the court won’t look at because it is a juvenile record)He also has 3 felonies which are supposedly irrelevant because they were for burglury and theft and didn’t harm anyone. I don’t even want the child support, I just want him to leave us alone. I don’t know what to do-Please Help!!!
(He already has supervised visits)

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  1. ed2bizkit | May 26, 2008 | Reply

    im a single dad i got full custody of my child it cost me over $23,000 keep him.i dont know what state you live in but my state has a program that oversees issuis with custody they are called comprehensive consiling the do homestudys on the parents houses and they evaluiate each parent if he that bad there is no whay they would let min get any custody just supervised visits

  2. keajth | May 28, 2008 | Reply

    before the court would give your child to his father’s custody, they would investigate the situation for sure. and with those statements you have just said, you could also give that information to your lawyer, as that will be one ground for him not to take your child away from you. There’s justice for you in the court.

    The decision might be unfair for you, but sometimes, father is given the opportunity to see the kid, but not to live with him. he’s still the father anywayz.

    Whatever information you know, just lay it to your lawyer, they would look for any grounds, not to give him enough rights and reason to have that joint custody. (be strong, and i hope, there’ll be no problem in the end… Godbless and goodluck) =:(

  3. toria392003 | May 29, 2008 | Reply

    if you havent already then you could tell them about his living situations and that you fear for your childs life and if nothing else tell them that you agree to visitation only if it is supervised and in a nuetral place b/c you are scared that he will take her

  4. aprildsaldana | Jun 1, 2008 | Reply

    You have to get information to prove that he is unfit for a parent. My sister just went through a divorce and she had to prove he was unfit. It all boils down to who is the best fit parent and that is what the judge will be looking at. I would bring up that he never was around before so why now. What just so he wouldn’t hav to pay child support.

  5. kellogg | Jun 2, 2008 | Reply

    Get a good lawyer and talk to the Children and Youth Services in your area, they will help. Even if he has just as much custody as you do. And you have child support against him, he still has to pay. The child holds your address and makes you primary care giver.

  6. jewelbaham | Jun 4, 2008 | Reply

    Unfortunatly you will have to make some compromises. I have recently gone thru a custody battle (it never really ends), and you have to compromise to get what you ultimately know is best for your child. The hardest part for me was letting things happen to my kids while in their fathers custody. We shared joint custody for 1 year. The dad is NOT a bad father – he is just very lenient. He allowed my 11 year to see R rated movies with his friends at the theater, allows online access to my kids – unsupervised which led to adult porno sites being viewed, my 11 year old gave out his address and phone number onver the net …etc.

    While none of these things put the children in IMMEDIATE danger – it was questionable parental behavior. I had to keep my mouth shut and allow him to screw up. I waited and compiled detailed calendars and journals to PROVE in court that he was not the best father. DOCUMENT EVERYTHING. If he makes more money than you do – even with joint custody – you will recieve child support. I understand how you feel about the money. My exhusband made 5 times what Iearned in a year – yet I took absolutely nothing when I left. I dont advise it- you have to think of your and your childs futures. You must be able to provide for her – take the joint support that you should be given and get a good lawyer. Document everything – you will need it. Take dated pictures of her when dad comes to get her and when he drops her off – log phone calls – copy cell phone records. You CAN NOT interfere with his relationship with her. No matter what your personal opinion of him is. You have to show that you are making an attempt to allow him to be a good dad. If you interefere – it will damage your case in court. Don’t discuss it with her AT ALL. Just pray and do what you need to do at home for her and for you. Good luck

  7. Cautiously Optimistic | Jun 7, 2008 | Reply

    You might ask the court to allow you to present witnesses (or affidavits from witnesses if the court will not permit live testimony). Get other people to present their views about his reputation (although you may be opening the door to talk about your reputation as well). If you are still in contact with his sister, perhaps she will speak generally to issues regarding his inappropriate behavior (but do not allow her to address the molestation issues since the court has already disallowed that) since they became adults. Also, depending on how the daughter feels about her father, and how mature she is for her age, the court might allow her to testify (either in open court or on-record in the judge’s chambers). DO NOT ATTEMPT to guide her testimony (because the court will probably know and you will lose more than you know). Remember, “the best interests of the child” is the standard by which the court will judge the appropriateness of giving him unsupervised visitation, so the more you can do, within the court’s latitude) to demonstrate his unfitness, the better off you are. Best of luck with a truly difficult situation.

  8. cbanks1976 | Jun 9, 2008 | Reply

    First, get a court appointed Guardian Ad Litem (which is a lawyer for your child). This person is impartial to each parent and their only concern is representing the child. They will investigate the living conditions of BOTH households and present findings to the court (so make sure your stuff is in order and your ducks are in a row). If the father is in fact the actual father then he has a right to joint LEGAL custody, which involves decision-making regarding the child. You can still have sole PHYSICAL custody and the child will live with you. At this point you will have to arrange for visitation, and if there are issues you can request that it be supervised visitation. If he is the dad he will be entitled to some rights and visitation, but that has nothing to do with child support (which is an obligation / responsibility). Remember he CAN choose to exercise his rights as a father but he MUST fulfill his responsibilities to his child.

  9. badasslilnici | Jun 12, 2008 | Reply

    How painful! Have your attorney push for a way to get him into parenting classes before he even gets a minute alone with your daughter. Make the hoops he needs to jump through cost him something. He’s not been a parent and it stands to reason that he should learn something of the skills required before he takes your child even one day. At one time my husband and I were discussing divorce and custody and he told me he was going to fight for custody and I told him to be ready to pee in a jar ***** which backed him RIGHT off. Have a talk with your daughter and let her know that she can tell you anything at anytime, even if her father tells her to keep it a secret or he’s threatened her. Let her know that she can always tell you anything and that the only reason grown-ups make little kids keep secrets is because the grown-up is doing something he’s not supposed to. That way, if he does do the unthinkable, you stand a much better chance of knowing soon and getting help immediately. Just something to keep in mind. Also, he will not now or ever get full custody of your child as long as your own nose stays clean. The courts reeeaaaaalllllly see no reason to remove a child from their primary custodial parent unless there is some darn good reason. It should be mentioned that he’s chosen not to have any emotional attachment to this child by choice and that though he is her father, he is a stranger to her too. Push for supervised visitation for a term of not less than 8 weekly visits. Really. It can be pointed out that it is not just in the child’s best interests but also in the father’s. Talk to your attorney about a guardian ad lidum. If the father is not current in child support, see if you can defray his visitations until he IS current. Your attorney should know allllll this and should be able to fight hard on your child’s behalf.

  10. KRYSTLE | Sep 10, 2010 | Reply

    YOU KNOW THIS IS SO CRAZY BECAUSE WORD FOR WORD WHAT YOUR EXPLAINING IS THE SAME THING I AM GOING THROUGH AND THE SAD THING IS I HAVE PROOF, TEXT MESSAGES, VOICEMAILS, AND HARRASEMENT CHARGES FROM THE STATE POLICE AND THEY STILL ALLOW HIM TO GET MY 6 YR OLD DAUGHTER. I DONT KNOW WHAT ITS GOING TO TAKE TO PROTECT MY DAUGHTER FROM WHAT I FEEL IS THE BEST THING FOR HER AND THEY WONT LET ME!!! IM IN PA NOW AND MY CASE IS PRESENTLY IN WV AND I CANT GET MY CASE OUT OF THERE AND NOW WHEN I HOLD HER AND KEEP HER FROM THE “DEAD BEAT FATHER” IM GETTING FINED FOR IT AND HE GETS TO WALK AWAY WITH A SHI**Y SMILE ON HIS FACE, NOT TO MENTION DOING DRUGS IN FRONT OF HER THREATNIN HER AND THREATNED TO PUT ME (HER MOM) IN THE GROUND AND IS TERRIFIED TO GO THERE, SOMEONE TELL ME WHAT TO DO AS WELL!!! I COMPLETELY UNDERSTAND WHAT YOU ARE GOING THROUGH

  11. dilly | Apr 7, 2011 | Reply

    I always like to look at both sides of the situation before I jump to conclusions. Each parent has a natural right to develop a relationship with their children. Keep an open door and remain cautious if need be. Its much better for the children to form a loving relationship with both parents.

    Some parents have actually gone off to war for our country and the courts have labeled them as if they had abandoned their children.
    Family courts have also used being involved with war as a weapon to suggest parent may be unsafe.

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